February 06, 2004
Ikea, the game
I have always liked Ikea. I own several of their low-end bookshelves -- those incredibly crappy ones that look as if the wood were composed of popsicles that had been ground up and injection-moulded into boards. They're so lightweight they'll tip over if you just stare at them hard enough. But what the hell: They're cheap, and I bought them while a broke college student.
But apparently the men of America loathe Ikea. Their girlfriends keep dragging them out to buy potpourri bowls or faux-Chinese curtains or whatever, and the guys are starting to freak out. So as a public service, Matthew Baldwin at The Morning News recently wrote a survival guide for Ikea -- in the style of a video-game walkthrough:
==========================
IKEA WALKTHROUGH v2.3.1
==========================
IKEA is a fully immersive, 3D environmental adventure that allows you to role-play the character of someone who gives a shit about home furnishings. In traversing IKEA, you will experience a meticulously detailed alternate reality filled with garish colors, clear-lacquered birch veneer, and a host of NON-PLAYER CHARACTERS (NPCs) with the glazed looks of the recently anesthetized.
==========================
OBJECTIVE
==========================
Your goal is to successfully traverse the five awesome worlds of IKEA before your patience runs out. On your first few tries this may seem like an impossible task, but with practice (and this IKEA Walkthrough!) you will soon be able to muster the sense of numb resignation necessary for victory.
Posted by Clive Thompson at February 06, 2004 12:23 AM
| TrackBack
Does IKEA have anything to do with those tiny fridges students have in college? The ones that have the very tiny freezer compartment that grows frost, and comes with a miniture ice tray that you have to use tweezers to get the ice out?
I don't know about the fridges, but they could definitely be IKEA...
...I lived there for a while (in an IKEA store) back when my girl and I were fournishing our place. The feeling was I spent more time in IKEA than home, eating in the restaurant, sitting on sofas watching TV and leaning on beds (just to try them!).
It was a bit like on this emotion Eric thing...
http://www.emotioneric.com/ae/index.php?adv=thenewpad
Ahahahaa! That Eric thing is hilarious!!
Yeah, I don't think Ikea sells those fridges. Actually, hardly anyone *sells* 'em; from what I gather, they're mostly dispensed by rental companies -- college students rent them for about 15 bucks a month or something.
Great stuff! But it doesn't have to necessarily be IKEA. You could substitute any store really - like The Brick or Wal-Mart etc. I just hate shopping period! Invariably the excursion ends up in a fight between her and I - LOL!
PS - Love your cameos on Adler-0n-Line!
Heh.
Glad you like my Adler appearances!
Have you ever noticed how unbelievably organized and efficient the Ikea unassembled funiture is packaged? I remember seeing in one of their stores some mention of an award they received for the most creative and efficient packaging.....creative packaging? What the hell is shopping coming to? I admit their packaging is quite amazing but seriously....an award?
i think uncle rob is a knob
