Every once in a while, there’s something about the bloated, hysterical excess of messianic CEOs that pushes me so far out into a spiral of nauseau and anger that I circle back and wind up kind of awestruck. So we’ve found out that Tyco CEO Dennis Koslowski got the company to spend $2.1 million on his wife’s birthday party — togas and private island included. So we know now that the company paid for his $16.8 million New York apartment. And yeah, everyone’s angry about arrogant CEO bonuses.

But I swear to god I almost admire Koslowski’s utterly deranged, monomaniacal desire to acquire everyday office equipment that is not merely high-quality, not just expensive, but literally cleopatran in its excess. I mean, a $17,100 “travelling toilet box”? A the $15,000 “umbrella stand”? A $2,200 waste paper basket? God, just imagine the dialogue between him and his personal shopper:

“This $750 waste paper basket will make your office look lovely!”

“I don’t know … do you have anything a bit tonier?”

“How about this one — it’s $1,275.”

“It’s nice, but still … maybe something a little more top-drawer.”

“Okay — this gold-plated one goes for $1,899.”

“I was really hoping for something just a bit more opulent.”

“Uh, this one is $2,200.”