I am never going to eat again

Galileo is dead

Military peanut butter

You know MREs? The army’s dreaded, tasteless “meals ready to eat”? It seems the army is now trying to develop a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich MRE.

But, you ask, isn’t a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich already ready to eat? Sure, but according to Defense Department food expert Jerry Darsch, a military MRE has to be edible even after enduring some extremely messed up conditions:

Darsch said his sandwiches are designed to be as resilient as the troops they feed. “This bad boy will last a minimum of three years at 80 degrees, six months at 100 degrees. They will travel to the swampiest swamp, the highest mountain, the most arid desert.”

Still, soldiers aren’t likely to take a bite until 2006 because more research is needed — principally, the researchers confessed, on PB&J, the sandwich most demanded by troops in focus groups. Other sandwiches in the works include pizza-flavored and ham and cheese.

Food science takes time, Darsch said — “I don’t even want to tell you how long it took to develop the McNugget.”

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I'm Clive Thompson, the author of Smarter Than You Think: How Technology is Changing Our Minds for the Better (Penguin Press). You can order the book now at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Powells, Indiebound, or through your local bookstore! I'm also a contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine and a columnist for Wired magazine. Email is here or ping me via the antiquated form of AOL IM (pomeranian99).

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