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Dress yourself in Clive

While surfing around trying to figure out why I’ve recently lost some Google juice, I was pumping my name into the search engine. And out the corner of my eye, I noticed a small “Google Adwords” ad — for a company called Clivebags.com.

Clive Bags?

So I click on it and, sure enough — it’s a site filled entirely with bags, hats, and clothes for skateboarders, surfers and snowboarders … emblazoned with the word “Clive” on it. Check out: they make travel bags, t-shirts, caps, wool caps, and incredibly cute girls’ t-shirts.

According to the “Who We Are” section on the web site:

welcome to clive. we’re backpack and bag specialists who are dedicated innovating and evolving today’s carry-all culture. we are committed to making the most comfortable backpacks and travel bags for sport and everyday use. clive is leading a new direction with our design, quality and comfort. the clive team features some of the best athletes in the world, including skateboarders bam margera, stevie williams, kerry getz, bucky lasek and ryan sheckler; snowboarders todd richards, scotty wittlake, matt hammer and gaetan chanut; and surfers rob machado, matt keenan and eric mchenry. clive products can be found in leading skateboard, snowboard and surf shops in the united states, canada, japan, europe and australia.

clive world headquarters are located in vista, california. clive products are of supreme quality and are made in the best factories in the world

And here is where I should point out that this is clearly THE COOLEST COMPANY THAT HAS EVER EXISTED ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. I am, of course, slightly biased. When your name is “Clive,” it’s not easy to find your name on things. You know when you’re 10 years old? And your parents are taking you on an incredibly boring road trip to visit the country’s oldest mud hut or something, and you stop at a tourist trap store that sells those little license plates with kids’ names on it? When your name is Clive, you sit there and watch all the other kids with names like Bill and Jeff and Karen and Ronald and Jennifer and Brad and Jason all go and find their names and buy them and nail them to their bedroom doors and squeal with delight. And when your name is Clive you hate those kids with a venom and intensity that could punch through plate steel, because nobody ever thinks to put the name “Clive” on a little tourist-trap license plate that was probably made in a Chinese prison or whatever, because Clive is such a weird name, right?

Well, I am here today to tell all those kids that they kiss my ass. Because not only is there an incredibly cool company in San Francisco making Clive clothes, but TV commercials with an enormous and incredibly cool-looking Clive logo! And because there is a Clive BMX team out there somewhere. And because even as we speak there are probably chicks in the East Village walking around wearing Clive t-shirts, and there just is nothing at all wrong with any of this.

I think my favorite part is reading the descriptions of the bags:

clive travel bags are functional and tough enough to transport your belongings on voyages near and far.

you will never look as cool as when you’re using these clive bags. the backpacks feature clive’s revolutionary comfortzone™, which ensures superior fit and makes your day better.

I am now going to pretty much empty my bank account buying this stuff.


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Bio:

I'm Clive Thompson, a writer on science, technology, and culture. This blog collects bits of offbeat research I'm running into, and musings thereon.

Currently, I'm a contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine and a columnist for Wired magazine. I also write for Fast Company and Wired magazine's web site, among other places. Email or AOL IM me (pomeranian99) to say hi or send in something strange!

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Recent Entries

The “Milky Way Transit Authority” map

Should automobile software be open-sourced?

My Bookforum review of Jaron Lanier’s “You Are Not A Gadget”

Molecular secrets of the “iron-plated snail”

Garry Kasparov, cyborg

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Clive Thompson's Tumblr
a bunch of stuff

January 31, 2010 » 07:29 PM
V. A. To me death seems to be an evil.
M. What, to those who are al­ready dead? or to those who must die?
A. To both.
M. It is a mis­ery, then, be­cause an evil?
A. Cer­tain­ly.
M. Then those who have al­ready died, and those who have still got to die, are both mis­er­able?
A. So it ap­pears to me.
M. Then all are mis­er­able?
A. Ev­ery one.

January 24, 2010 » 03:22 PM

One of the more interesting trends is family, which came in at number five. Specifically, discussion about family, moms, dads, daughters, etc. jumped during 2009. With Facebook users getting older, this isn’t a big surprise. However, the fact that the mention of “kids” jumped by a factor of five this year is rather dramatic. It’s tough to know what this means, though. (via Facebook Unveils Most-Mentioned Topics of 2009

)

January 15, 2010 » 01:36 PM

BEYOND AWESOME. They are announcing a recall of the Plush Uterus “due to a potential choking hazard for children”. To apply for it, “Please send an email to the address below with the subject line, ‘UTERUS OPT OUT’”.

January 14, 2010 » 10:04 PM

“To order, please TYPE “YES” IN CHECKBOX BELOW TO AGREE YOU UNDERSTAND THIS PLUSH MUST BE KEPT AWAY FROM KIDS (it is a sex organ, after all). If it is not checked, WE WILL NOT SEND THE UTERUS.” (via @ibogost)

January 11, 2010 » 01:45 PM

I watched Space: 1999 back in the day, but I swear to god I do not remember this scene.

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Collision Detection: A Blog by Clive Thompson