While surfing around trying to figure out why I’ve recently lost some Google juice, I was pumping my name into the search engine. And out the corner of my eye, I noticed a small “Google Adwords” ad — for a company called Clivebags.com.

Clive Bags?

So I click on it and, sure enough — it’s a site filled entirely with bags, hats, and clothes for skateboarders, surfers and snowboarders … emblazoned with the word “Clive” on it. Check out: they make travel bags, t-shirts, caps, wool caps, and incredibly cute girls’ t-shirts.

According to the “Who We Are” section on the web site:

welcome to clive. we’re backpack and bag specialists who are dedicated innovating and evolving today’s carry-all culture. we are committed to making the most comfortable backpacks and travel bags for sport and everyday use. clive is leading a new direction with our design, quality and comfort. the clive team features some of the best athletes in the world, including skateboarders bam margera, stevie williams, kerry getz, bucky lasek and ryan sheckler; snowboarders todd richards, scotty wittlake, matt hammer and gaetan chanut; and surfers rob machado, matt keenan and eric mchenry. clive products can be found in leading skateboard, snowboard and surf shops in the united states, canada, japan, europe and australia.

clive world headquarters are located in vista, california. clive products are of supreme quality and are made in the best factories in the world

And here is where I should point out that this is clearly THE COOLEST COMPANY THAT HAS EVER EXISTED ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. I am, of course, slightly biased. When your name is “Clive,” it’s not easy to find your name on things. You know when you’re 10 years old? And your parents are taking you on an incredibly boring road trip to visit the country’s oldest mud hut or something, and you stop at a tourist trap store that sells those little license plates with kids’ names on it? When your name is Clive, you sit there and watch all the other kids with names like Bill and Jeff and Karen and Ronald and Jennifer and Brad and Jason all go and find their names and buy them and nail them to their bedroom doors and squeal with delight. And when your name is Clive you hate those kids with a venom and intensity that could punch through plate steel, because nobody ever thinks to put the name “Clive” on a little tourist-trap license plate that was probably made in a Chinese prison or whatever, because Clive is such a weird name, right?

Well, I am here today to tell all those kids that they kiss my ass. Because not only is there an incredibly cool company in San Francisco making Clive clothes, but TV commercials with an enormous and incredibly cool-looking Clive logo! And because there is a Clive BMX team out there somewhere. And because even as we speak there are probably chicks in the East Village walking around wearing Clive t-shirts, and there just is nothing at all wrong with any of this.

I think my favorite part is reading the descriptions of the bags:

clive travel bags are functional and tough enough to transport your belongings on voyages near and far.

you will never look as cool as when you’re using these clive bags. the backpacks feature clive’s revolutionary comfortzone™, which ensures superior fit and makes your day better.

I am now going to pretty much empty my bank account buying this stuff.