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Goodfella video-game reviews

You may recall Henry Hill — the infamous mobster upon which the movie Goodfellas was based. He was part of the $6 million Lufthansa heist in 1978, then cooperated with the police to help bust the Lucchese crime family. He certainly knows about the use of brutal violence and force.

So the editors of the Electronic Gaming Monthly decided to try him out on some virtual violence and force — by having him review Grand Theft Auto, Hitman 2, The Getway, and Animal Crossing. (The latter is a game intended for little girls.) Hill brought along his 14-year-old son Julian. The transcripts are online here, but here’s a taste from Hill’s encounter with The Getaway:

HH: What’s this, English gangsters? What the f*** are they saying? And why’s that guy so ugly? Like his face got caught in the sausage machine.

EGM: OK, that aside, how do you like it so far?

HH: This is like that other stupid one—I’m dying all over again. How do you drive? Ah, s***, wrong side of the street! Bad enough I gotta learn this complicated apparatus—

JH: It’s a controller—

HH: It’s a torture device. Look at these f***ing buttons—where am I going? What the f***? We’re in Brooklyn!

JH: It’s London.

HH: I know. Let’s kill some guys. Can I kill a cop? The Queen, is she dead? Somebody..

JH: You have to follow the mission.

HH: There’s too much traffic. This is like the freeway—why would I wanna do that at home?

JH: Finish the mission!

HH: Julian, I can’t even get in this car. How am I gonna finish anything, here? This game sucks. I’m gonna go have a smoke break.

(Thanks to El Rey for finding this one!)

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I'm Clive Thompson, the author of Smarter Than You Think: How Technology is Changing Our Minds for the Better (Penguin Press). You can order the book now at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Powells, Indiebound, or through your local bookstore! I'm also a contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine and a columnist for Wired magazine. Email is here or ping me via the antiquated form of AOL IM (pomeranian99).

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