Nuking hurricanes

How you sleep reveals your personality

A new study claims to have found links between your personality and the position in which you sleep. Professor Chris Idzilkowski, director of the Sleep Assessment and Advisory Service, says he has divined some of the following sleep-personality groups, as well as the percentage of people who belong to them. According to the BBC:

The yearner (13%): People who sleep on their side with both arms out in front are said to have an open nature, but can be suspicious, cynical. They are slow to make up their minds, but once they have taken a decision, they are unlikely ever to change it.

Soldier (8%): Lying on your back with both arms pinned to your sides. People who sleep in this position are generally quiet and reserved. They don’t like a fuss, but set themselves and others high standards.

Freefall (7%): Lying on your front with your hands around the pillow, and your head turned to one side. Often gregarious and brash people, but can be nervy and thin-skinned underneath, and don’t like criticism, or extreme situations.

I would almost be tempted to believe this research — and, possibly, if I looked at the data, it would hold water. But Idzilkowski’s use of those smug little categorical descriptions — “The Soldier”, “The Yearner” — leads me to suspect that in reality, this is a pile of steaming horseshit on par with astrology. And man, you DO NOT WANT TO GET ME STARTED ABOUT ASTROLOGY. Christ almighty. This stuff is like softcore eugenics, for god’s sake. Why the hell is everyone so desperate to create these glib generalizations about entire categories of human behavior?

Bleh. Enough blogging for today. I need a drink.

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I'm Clive Thompson, the author of Smarter Than You Think: How Technology is Changing Our Minds for the Better (Penguin Press). You can order the book now at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Powells, Indiebound, or through your local bookstore! I'm also a contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine and a columnist for Wired magazine. Email is here or ping me via the antiquated form of AOL IM (pomeranian99).

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