The bongo-drum Internet

Recessions are awful


Need to write a corporate memo, but the muse just won’t visit? Try the “CorpSpeak” application built by the guys at LavaRnd, experts in random-number generation. Fill out the fields describing who the memo is to, who it’s from, and what it’s about — and their auto-memo-creation engine will do the rest.

I tested it out, and produced the following corporate missive:

To: All Readers
From: Collision Detection
Date: Wed Oct 8 22:39:29 2003
Subject: Important Announcement

A major action item for this fiscal quarter is a corporation rollout. Leading indicators would seem to suggest that win-win leadership positions improve the performance of scalable shared memory multiprocessor. A team next generation achieves a new all of you.

It used to be true that paradigm shifts do the right thing about the competitive market realignment, however throughout the fiscal year we have seen that protocols execute opportunity. We’ve got to do it in revolutionary challenges of strategies. So, a forward looking relationship is not going to help us in the concepting of the corporate titans. Our third parties tell us that shared objectives inevitably encapsulate customer partnerships.

Oh, and by the way? You’re all fired.

A while ago, I wrote about Bullfighter, a piece of software created by the Deloitte and Touche consultancy, which automatically eliminates jargon and meaningless weasel-words from corporate documents. Now I’m thinking it would be fun to link up these two applications, and have CorpSpeak funnel documents directly into Bullfighter. Voila: A perpetual-motion machine of corporate blather!

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I'm Clive Thompson, the author of Smarter Than You Think: How Technology is Changing Our Minds for the Better (Penguin Press). You can order the book now at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Powells, Indiebound, or through your local bookstore! I'm also a contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine and a columnist for Wired magazine. Email is here or ping me via the antiquated form of AOL IM (pomeranian99).

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Collision Detection: A Blog by Clive Thompson