I’m coming to this one late — several folks pointed this out to me last Sunday — but it’s worth noting for the record: A couple of salmon fishers offshore in British Columbia have caught the first Humboldt squid in Northern waters. This is all part of a migration of giant squid northwards, which is deeply freaking out the global-warming people, since these beasts aren’t supposed to thrive in colder climes. By the way, what’s so special about a Humboldt squid? Glad you asked! As the Globe and Mail reports:

Some descriptions from witnesses sound like the plot to a horror movie — water roiling with tentacles; otherworldly creatures suddenly launching into the air from beneath the surface; nightfall bringing to the surface vicious predators that slip back into the depths at daybreak, like vampires of the sea.

A Humboldt squid can grow to the size and weight of a hockey player. So, imagine Todd Bertuzzi with bulging eyes, eight arms, two tentacles, three hearts, a beak for a mouth, a brain wrapped around his esophagus and gullet with a willingness — nay, eagerness — to dine on his own kind every other meal, and you get a sense of how the squid has earned such a fearsome reputation.

There are few occasions upon which newspapers bring out prose more purple than when they attempt to describe killer squid.

(Thanks to Bret and Susan for this one!)