Some times, you really don’t need a clever headline, eh? No, just the straight, plain, incredibly weird facts.

Anyway, here’s the backstory: Last year I blogged about Live-shot, a Texas company that let you take control of a gun on the Internet and go hunting. Legislators, predictably, freaked out, and a few months later the Texas Parks and Wildlife Commission voted unanimously “to ban remote hunting for game animals,” as The Dallas Morning News reported. The CEO of Live-shot, John Lockwood, claimed this was discrimination because he had a paying customer who was wheelchair-bound and wanted to use the system to hunt a bit ‘o buck. The new rules require that “anyone hunting a game animal or bird be physically present and in control of the firearm”, so Lockwood actually built a wheelchair-stand on his property in Texas, from which anyone in a wheelchair can take control of the Live-shot technology and use it for hunting. In essence, they’ll still be hunting via telepresence, but from only a couple of feet away — thus obeying the letter, if not the spirit, of the law.

I figured this exercise in Second Amendment surreality had run its course, until I checked into Gizmodo today to discover that Lockwood has started a new business: A remote-control paintball gun that netizens can use to shoot at bikini-clad chicks. As you might expect, he put up a teaser video, and as you might expect, it is both intentionally silly and unintentionally creepy. And then there’s the FAQ!

Q: Can I have my wife run through the field so I can paintball her?

A: It’s surprising how many requests we’ve had for this one! Including, girlfriends, husbands, significant others. Also, exes. Hey, we have a new theme here! Send them out to us, or send a blow up of their picture for target practice, and send her / him a copy of your session on DVD!

I actually thought I’d have some witty comment to make on this one, but it all seems kind of superfluous. Ken Goldberg, my brain needs watering.

(Thanks to Gizmodo for this one!)