collision detection: The science of "beer goggles"

December 05, 2005

The science of "beer goggles"

Most of us have, at some sodden point in our lives, learned the hazards of "beer goggles". Indeed, research shows that 68% of men or women who hand out a phone number at a bar regret it the next day -- after realizing the hottie they'd met was, in fact, not.

But now a neuroscientist has actually worked out a formula describing the precise interaction of booze, lighting, and distance that produces this dread syndrome. In Nathan Ephron's equation, which is above, "Β" stands for the intensity of one's beer goggle effect, and it is calculated by these variables:

An = number of units of alcohol consumed
S = smokiness of the room (graded from 0-10, where 0 clear air; 10 extremely smoky)
L = luminance of 'person of interest' (candelas per square metre; typically 1 pitch black; 150 as seen in normal room lighting)
Vo = Snellen visual acuity (6/6 normal; 6/12 just meets driving standard)
d = distance from 'person of interest' (metres; 0.5 to 3 metres)

The upshot is that the effect isn't just about drinking: It's about visual ability. A dance floor lit by black-lit bulbs would produce an epidemiological surge of beer goggles. As Ephron notes, "someone with normal vision, who has consumed five pints of beer and views a person 1.5 metres away in a fairly smoky and poorly lit room, will score 55, which means they would suffer from a moderate beer goggle effect."

Presumably this stuff is a bit hard to calculate while you're smashed beyond all recognition, but as Barbie said, math class is tough.

By the way, this stuff was funded by the contact lens firm Bausch & Lomb.

(Note: In a bit of hilarious mistyping, I inititally wrote this post as "beer googles". And I didn't mistype it that way once -- I typed it wrong the whole way through! What would one call the digital age version of the Freudian slip? A Weinerian slip? Thanks to my brother-in-law Rob for pointing out the error!)

Posted by Clive Thompson at December 05, 2005 11:54 AM

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Comments

This is a grand unifying theory of college life.

Posted by: J. Collier at December 5, 2005 1:53 PM

Beer Googles??? Uh, you mean Goggles, no? That's interesting....either you subconciously wrote google, or the spellchecker picked it up. Google has achieved its goal of hardwiring a select few of your synapses.

Posted by: Uncle Rob at December 5, 2005 1:57 PM

Ahahhah!

I just fixed it, and commented on the main page about how surreal a slip that is!

Thanks for the catch!

Posted by: Clive at December 5, 2005 2:46 PM

In an odd coincidence, less than 10 minutes after reading this post, I came across this tidbit: "I thought google was a place where they sold goggles online".
Link: http://www.iusedtobelieve.com/science/

Posted by: Matt Hutson at December 5, 2005 2:54 PM

This equation also helps explain the old adage that "S/He was good from afar, but far from good."

Posted by: marc at December 5, 2005 3:01 PM

Why do the faculty of British red-brick universities have an obsession with all of these mathematical equations for 'real life' - ie trying to quantify effects that are, in fact, not at all quantifiable? (here's another). I mean, really - using that equation implies that if you were drunk, had lost your glasses, and were in a pitch-black room, you couldn't see anything. Well, duh. That doesn't explain why you'd assume that you were surrounded by hotties and would be handing out for phone number to the people who kept bumping into you. If that's the game we're playing, shouldn't there be a term that reflects horniness/desperation?

Posted by: debcha at December 5, 2005 3:43 PM

"hand out phone numbers?" If THAT'S what most people do with their beer goggles on, and they regret it, then... I REALLY regret mine. Oh, this could be worse than I thought.

Posted by: eke at December 5, 2005 5:16 PM

Debbie, you're totally right -- there is this insane penchant for loony pseudoscience in some tony British universities. No idea why.

eke .... ahahhah!

Posted by: Clive at December 5, 2005 5:36 PM

"epidemiological surge of beer goggles"

Clive, your phrasing today is excellent! The vision that conveys is just spooky.

Posted by: johntunger at December 5, 2005 7:39 PM

beer google
verb
1. To search for fermented alcoholic malt beverages after the liquor shops have closed up.

Posted by: Pork Chop at December 6, 2005 9:18 AM